I did not know what to expect and I have to be honest and say that I was filled with skepticism, uncertainty and fear but on September 14th, I worked up the courage to walk in to Herbal Magic and join the program, with the hopes that my dreams would come true for me.
My story is not unlike many others, even though when you are “in the middle of it”, you feel like you are the only one feeling and looking the way you do.
I have spent most of my life ashamed of how I look. Always looking for people to assure me that I looked “okay”, but yet feeling fat and out of place. I tend to shy away from getting pictures taken and of those that are; I end up destroying most because I just can't seem to like any of them. I don't buy clothes because the experience is altogether frustrating and heart-wrenching.
I think that we have all been at the point where we completely breakdown…..well, I have been there many times. Analyzing everything I would eat and then just really not eating at all. I suppose the concept was a good one in my mind but not so much for the losing weight part. Constantly I would find myself frustrated and angry, to the point of tears. I have not worn a bathing suit or sat in a hot tub since I was 13yrs old (I am 37). I have never taken my kids swimming because I can't bear what my body looks like. Complete lack of self-esteem and not feeling valuable has prevented me from experiencing so much. I know in my heart that if I were my "dream size" that I would feel happier and prettier but I also know that happiness should never be based on your looks. Famous tug-o-war of emotions vs. common sense.
“The skies opened up” for me one morning while listening to someone who began the journey with Herbal Magic and had already started seeing wonderful results. It was the one moment in the last 20+ years that I felt courageous enough to do something to change my life. I needed to just close my eyes and have faith that this could change…..my life could change.
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